5.8.17

We are the hideous men

and you’ve been warned

about our arrival.

we are here.

we are saddened

bereaved

psychopharmacological

beasts,

grief pills stuck to our insides

like wet tissue.

we are trash

garbage-brained filth-addicted

hungry for the real stuff

but starved of honesty enough

to admit

that we are self-impaled

and the object of our greatest desires

is behind us,

beyond the range our necks can turn

unless we sever vertebrae

to look

to see

to know

what it is that prowls at our heels,

gnashing at our shadows

mistaking greater darkness

for the real thing,

gaining ever closer

as we run, run

run, run,

run, and go nowhere

we are self-impaled

we are our hideous selves

we are shadows

we are chased and desired

and broken and failing and

bursting with astonishing feats,

and so depressed

so fucking depressed

it’s kind of funny.

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Written at 12:01 at night, in my office, in Agoura Hills CA.