so have you
but have we fled the same things?
I’ve fled commitment and sin and work
I’ve fled confrontation and ignominy and
happiness and success and
so have you
but I’ve fled faster and I continue to flee, I flee
feelings of uneasiness, which are easy to flee
because I know them so well, and I can tell them
apart from other feelings and other pains, I flee
these feelings hoping to flee to other feelings
that exist like rumors of shadows in far off places
heard of these feelings and places?
I’m sure. Have you found them?
fled toward them? If so, if you are there and
any regard for human life or any un-numbed part of you that
longs not to flee but to stay, that has surrendered personal wellbeing
in favor of favoring the other, please tell me where to flee,
send out a signal, and in your signal try, if you can, to advertise
your paradise and all the blessings that abound there, which
made your own and because of which you are happy. Even if these are lies,
tell them to me. Tell me where and I will flee.
Written at 11:25 at night, in my office, in Agoura Hills CA, in the stifling heat of a central heating system, one night after going to the emergency room, afraid of having found a bump on my left testicle, which did not appear on the ultrasound, but which led to doctors finding a cyst on my right one.