3.25.17

I’ve fled

so have you

but have we fled the same things?

I’ve fled commitment and sin and work

have you?

I’ve fled confrontation and ignominy and

happiness and success and

so have you

but I’ve fled faster and I continue to flee, I flee

feelings of uneasiness, which are easy to flee

because I know them so well, and I can tell them

apart from other feelings and other pains, I flee

these feelings hoping to flee to other feelings

that exist like rumors of shadows in far off places

have you

heard of these feelings and places?

you have

I’m sure. Have you found them?

have you

fled toward them? If so, if you are there and

you have

any regard for human life or any un-numbed part of you that

longs not to flee but to stay, that has surrendered personal wellbeing

in favor of favoring the other, please tell me where to flee,

send out a signal, and in your signal try, if you can, to advertise

your paradise and all the blessings that abound there, which

you have

made your own and because of which you are happy. Even if these are lies,

tell them to me. Tell me where and I will flee.

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Written at 11:25 at night, in my office, in Agoura Hills CA, in the stifling heat of a central heating system, one night after going to the emergency room, afraid of having found a bump on my left testicle, which did not appear on the ultrasound, but which led to doctors finding a cyst on my right one.